Adjustments
by Cath-Sara-Magic
Summary: When Sara and Catherine lose something precious to them, can their relationship withstand it? Warning: CatherineSara pairing, don't read if that offends you!
1. Chapter 1

I own no one or nothing, and it won't do any good to sue, because I only have pennies in my pocket.

Warning: This is a Catherine/Sara romance story...if you don't like it, don't read it, no one's twisting your arm. I don't need to hear about how gross you think it is or how much you don't like it, so this is just fair warning.

Please let me know what you think, I'm new to fanfic writing, and I'm still treading water, so to speak.

Jenna

Adjustments:

"I'm sorry Catherine, Sara, we don't have any news for you at this moment. We're still waiting on Samantha's test results to come back. I wish I had something to tell you, but it will probably be a few more hours until we're certain that she has responded well to the treatment."

Catherine sank down into a cold, plastic chair, her body numb as the reality of this situation began to sink in. Samantha, or Sami, as everyone called her, was not Catherine's daughter genetically, but she definitely held a spot in Catherine's heart just as her own daughter did. Love, not DNA, is what creates a family, and Sami was definitely loved by Catherine, Sara, and Lindsey.

Sara murmured "thank you" to the doctor before sitting down and wrapping an arm around her girlfriend, "She's going to be okay, she's a fighter."

Resting her head on Sara's shoulder, Catherine responded quietly, "Of course she's a fighter, she's your daughter."

A soft sob escaped Sara's lips and before either woman knew what was happening, Sara had begun to sob into Catherine's shoulder, her assumed behavior as the "strong" one dissolving rapidly.

"No child should have to fight for their life." Sara sobbed, her breathing shallow as she struggled to regain control, "This is so unfair. She's in there, scared and alone, and they won't tell us anything. They won't even let us see her. We're her parents, for cryin' outloud! What kind of people keep a young child from her parents at a time like this?"

Catherine began to stroke Sara's back gently, not quite sure of how to respond. After a few seconds, she whispered soothingly, "Sweetie, I'm sure they're doing the best they can. If we were in there, we'd be two more people getting in the way of the people trying to stabilize her. I' sure they will let us see her as soon as they're sure she's stable..." She paused for a second, trying to convince herself of her words, "I'm sure she's sleeping right now, dreaming about Max and Gordy, and how she's going to torment Lindsey next. She probably doesn't even know what's going on. It's going to be okay, baby, she's strong, just like you are."

Sara smiled, despite the grief she was feeling. Max and Gordy were Sami and Lindsey's pet cocker spaniels, both still puppies. Sami had begged for nearly a month before Catherine gave in and agreed for a pet.

Today was supposed to be Sara and Catherine's 5 year anniversary celebration. Catherine had planned the entire thing. Days were going to be covering for the Graveyard shift, a babysitter had been lined up for Sami and Lindsey (although Lindsey was old enough to require only minimal supervision) and Catherine had convinced Sam Braun to let her use one of the banquet rooms for their party. All of their friends had been invited, and it was supposed to be a quiet, special party to celebrate the strength of their relationship.

Five years ago, today, was the day Sara and Catherine had finally gotten the courage to test the ground between them and jump from colleagues who barely got along to lovers who happened to work together. The transition had been relatively smooth and painless, despite the circumstances surrounding it.

Eddie had just been murdered, and Catherine had just torn into Sara on her inability to get her job done. The remark, even though Sara knew Catherine was only speaking out of anger, had cut her to the bone, and she had gone to Catherine's to apologize with a bottle of wine the following night. It was just supposed to be a peace offering, yet what she received was something she cherished even more than simple peace.

They had grown to be close friends quickly, once all of their cards had been laid out and the air between them settled. They agreed that they were both independent, strong, opinionated women, and that they tended to take their aggression out on each other not because of hatred, but because it was their way to up the challenge a bit more with each case. Behind all of their anger and hostility laid a desire to prove themselves to the other, mutual respect and admiration, and as they later found out, love.

Catherine had offered to take Sara out for drinks the day Sara and Hank officially broke up, and as they badmouthed men in a sleazy bar off the strip, a stronger bond had been formed. They had no way then of knowing how it would affect them for years to come. A week later, they kissed for the first time, and the day before the lab explosion, they moved in together. If anyone had known about their developing romance, they would have encouraged both women to take it slow, insisted that they were unnecessarily rushing things. Fast-paced, however, seemed to work well for both of them, and they were convinced that they had fallen in love, real love, this time.

They had some shaky points, as every couple does. As a matter of fact, their first fight came the night of the lab explosion, only one day after they started cohabitating. This one fight nearly destroyed them at the time, although it provided great joy for years to come. Catherine had come home to find a pregnancy test in the trash, and suddenly realized that Sara's tired, pale complexion and daily nausea and fatigue were not, as she had originally assumed, stress-related, they were baby related. She was furious that Sara had not told her that she suspected she was pregnant, and even more furious with herself that she put the woman she loved in a position that could have killed her child. After they had both cooled down, Sara had explained that she didn't even realize she was late until one of the paramedics, on a standard questionnaire, had asked her the date of her last period.

2 weeks later, they were going to Sara's first prenatal appointment, Catherine accepting full responsibility as second parent to the child. The week Sami was born, adoption papers on not only Sami, but Lindsey as well, were drawn up by their lawyer, and their family was not only complete, but legal. They hadn't expected that 4 and a half years later, they would be in danger of losing their youngest child.

They had left for the party in a whirlwind of excitement. Their lives had been filled to capacity lately between work and parenthood (it was utterly shocking how much of a difference one extra child in school made) and they hadn't had a chance to spend any alone time (not to mention 'adult time' not revolving around work) in months. This was going to be a night for them to relax and enjoy each other as a couple.

They hadn't even finished their first glasses of wine when Sara's cell had gone off. 5 hours later, here they were, waiting in the emergency room for news on their youngest daughter, still clad in evening dresses and heels, their makeup running from the constant flow of tears.

It had been a careless accident, according to both Lindsey and Gabby, the babysitter they had been using since Sami was born. Sami and Lindsey had been playing hide and seek, Sami's favorite game, and after looking for a few minutes, Lindsey had been unable to find her. When a 4 and a half year old girl out-hides a 13 year old girl, it's a strong indication that something isn't right. Lindsey and Gabby both started searching for Sami, their search ending in the backyard, where Sami's body laid bruised and broken from apparently falling out of her second story bedroom window.

Sara and Catherine had been suspicious at first, who falls out of a window without being pushed, but Lindsey had explained that she thought Sami was going to try to hide on the ledge, something they had seen in a Disney movie or something, and both adults had been inclined to believe her.

The list of Sami's injuries was long and serious. The top of the list included a small fracture to her skull, a concussion, a dislocated shoulder, a broken wrist, several fractured ribs, internal bleeding (which they had done emergency surgery to repair), a minor spinal fracture, and torn ligaments in her knee. The damages wouldn't have been as extensive to a grown adult, but to a small child, everything is easily damaged by falls and injuries.

They had done emergency surgery to correct the internal bleeding, yet they were unsure if Sami's condition would improve. They would have to do knee surgery, although they were going to save it for a later day, when the more serious injuries had been attended to. The swelling associated with the concussion were the doctor's main concern right now, they were worried that the rapidly increasing pressure would damage Sami's nerves, leading to paralyzation or "worse".

Now, Sara and Catherine just had to wait for news. Waiting seemed to be the hardest part of all. Sara's sobs had turned into quiet sniffles, yet they remained in their embrace, grateful for the small peace it gave them.

"Do you think she's scared?" Sara whispered, her voice muffled by Catherine's shirt, "Do you think she was scared when she fell, now? Do you think she's hurting?"

"I...I honestly don't know." Catherine replied, her voice cracking with emotion. Knowing Samantha was hurt was bad enough, but imagining what the child must be feeling and thinking was nearly unbearable.

Sara pulled away, wiping her eyes and taking a deep, steadying breath, "I need some fresh air. Come get me if they tell you anything."

Before Catherine could ask her to stay, Sara had disappeared out the automatic double doors in the front of the emergency room. Trying to fight tears, Catherine pulled her feet onto her chair, wrapping her arms around her knees and laying her head down against them. She didn't feel as warm and safe with Sara gone, and in solitude, she was forced to resume the role as the worried "girl" of the relationship, one which she gave up every so often when Sara began to crack under pressure. Tears stung her eyes again, and she allowed them to fall, ignoring the cold wetness falling on her legs, consumed with fear and worry, not only for her child, but her lover as well.

Outside, Sara found a hidden area of the hospital, unlit and grassy, against one of the side walls. Sinking into the grass, her back against the building, she allowed herself to indulge in some self-pity and grief, falling apart where she couldn't inconvenience Catherine with her worries and fears. She knew Catherine was upset, they both loved Samantha to pieces, but she couldn't get rid of the feeling that Catherine couldn't experience the pain she felt, the pain of knowing that someone who came from her own flesh and blood, was in pain, broken and alone, away from her parents and the people who loved her. She imagined what Sami would feel like when she woke up, the thoughts running through her head when she fell. Was she scared? Did she try to break her fall? Did she feel remorseful for breaking the "open window" rule? Did she wonder how badly she'd be hurt? Did she feel scared and alone until she slipped into unconsciousness, or was she knocked out on impact? Did she have a chance to hurt? Could she feel pain now, even in her unconscious form? What did she look like? How bad would she feel when she woke up? Would she hate her parents for not being with her the whole time? Could she feel that they weren't there?

Possible answers to these questions plagued her as she sobbed into her hands, gasping for air as she began to hyperventilate, unable to control herself and her emotions, which were spinning out of control faster than ever before.

Sara wasn't sure how long she was outside, but the next thing she knew, Catherine was kneeling in front of her, grief evident on her face, sobbing openly as she grabbed Sara's arms, "Baby..."


	2. Chapter 2

Two:

"No." Sara protested, rising shakily to her feet, "No!"

Catherine shook her head, "There's brain damage, severe brain damage. They don't think she's going to wake up. She's on a respirator, they want to know if you want to keep her on life support."

"No!" Sara shouted, pulling away as Catherine reached out for her arm, "Not my Samantha. Not my baby girl. She's fine, she has to be fine, she's...she..."

Sara fell to her knees, sobbing loudly as only a person with their heart breaking can sob. She shook off Catherine's embrace the first two times she tried, but the third time, she allowed her partner to hold her tightly, sobbing along with her. "Not my baby." Sara gasped, her body starting to violently shake, "Not my Sami."

"I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry." Catherine replied despondently, feeling just as much pain as Sara felt, even though she was handling it slightly better, "Baby, I'm so sorry."

"We should have been home, we could have kept an eye on her..." Sara sobbed, "Things like this never happen when we are home."

"This isn't our fault, it was an accident." Catherine replied, stroking Sara's hair gently, "Baby, calm down, you're going to pass out if you don't breathe."

Sara shook her head forcefully, "I don't know how this could have happened. Why? We're good people, Sami's a great kid, why did this happen to us?" She cried for a few more minutes before whimpering, "Why does everyone I love leave me?"

"Baby, not everyone leaves you. I'm not going anywhere, I promise you, you can count on me. I'll help you through this. We can make it, we can get through this together. I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry." Catherine sobbed, holding Sara tighter.

Somewhere along the line, Catherine had stepped into the leader role and had gotten Sara to give consent to keep Sami on life support until they could reach a decision, then convinced her to go home and get some much needed rest. She had agreed, upon Sara's insistence, to stay with Sami for the night. Sara would resume vigil in the morning while Catherine went home to get some rest.

Catherine walked into Sami's hospital room, tears falling freely down her pale cheeks as she took a seat next to the child. With a sigh, she gently took hold of Samantha's hand, stroking it gently with her thumb as she tried to find an inkling of the little girl she knew and loved in this broken, battered shell of a child. There wasn't a visible patch of skin that wasn't bruised, the tubes and wires coming out of her body made her seem nearly too fragile to touch.

She brought her lips to Sami's hand, kissing it softly, "Sweetheart, we love you so much...I'm so sorry you had to go through this. We're very worried about you, so try your hardest to wake up and prove these doctors wrong. Lindsey's beside herself, and your Grandma Lily and Grandpa Sam are going to be here to see you soon...hopefully not at the same time...Mommy will be here in the morning to see you, you know how hard headed she is, I had to force her to leave you. I'm so sorry we weren't there for you, that this happened to you...just rest and try to get better, sweetheart, because I don't think your Mommy or I could live without seeing your precious eyes open and hearing your sweet voice. You mean the world to us, sweetheart, so fight this, okay?"

She began to crumble, holding Sami's hand to her face as she started to sob, afraid that this may be the last time she got to be alone with her little girl. The idea of losing Sami was threatening to break her, leading her to worry about Sara, who had already lost so much during her life. This would be the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back, and as much as she loved Sara, she wasn't sure she'd be able to bring her girlfriend back from the darkness if Sami didn't pull through.

She wasn't a very spiritual person, but as she held Samantha's hand to her lips, she began to pray with all of her soul that their little girl would pull through.

15 miles away, Sara sat in the driveway, wondering how she had managed to drive home through her sea of tears. Her body was numb, her mind aching as she gathered the small remainder of energy she possessed to get out of the car and trudge to the house, barely able to focus on her 'mother-in-law' or Lindsey's faces as they met her in the hallway, full of questions. Mumbling a quiet "excuse me" she made a beeline for the bedroom she and Catherine shared, collapsing on the bed in sobs, her heart-breaking cries filling the entire house.

After listening to Sara sob for nearly an hour, Lindsey quietly crept into the bedroom, crawling next to Sara on the bed and squeezing her hand gently, "Sara?"

"Not now, Lindsey." Sara sobbed, knowing it wasn't right to push the older child away, but unable to control herself, "I need to be alone."

Lindsey's own teardrops fell onto Sara's cheek as she hovered over the brunette, "Sara, I'm sorry I let Sam get hurt, please don't hate me."

Sobbing harder, Sara pulled Lindsey in for a tight hug, "This isn't your fault, Lins, it was an accident. You can't blame yourself, I'd never hate you for an accident."

"Then why don't you want me around?" Lindsey pleaded, not trusting Sara's answer, "You won't even look at me."

Sara shook her head, "I just need to clear my head, honey, it has nothing to do with you. It just...hurts."

"It hurts me too." Lindsey whispered through her own tears, "I know it was an accident, but I'm still really sorry."

Sara held Lindsey tightly, rubbing her back soothingly, "I know you are, honey, and I love you for being such a brave, mature young woman tonight. You're growing up so fast."

"She's not going to make it, is she?" Lindsey asked, through sobs, laying her head on Sara's shoulder, "She's going to die, isn't she?"

Through a new wave of sobs, Sara barely managed to choke out, "They don't expect her to wake up."

Lindsey's grasp tightened as her tears fell faster, and she mumbled into Sara's shoulder, "Can I stay with you tonight? I don't want to be alone."

"Of course, honey, of course." Sara soothed, unable to find anything to say to reassure or soothe the nearly hysterical teenager in her arms. After searching for something to say, unable to find any words to lessen Lindsey's tears, Sara gave up and just let her cry, knowing that they both needed to get the tears out of their system before they'd be able to think clearly.

The shrill sound of the ringing phone was unnoticed by the two girls until Catherine's mother walked into the room, holding the cordless phone with tears staining her cheeks, "Sara, it's Catherine."

Sara took the phone, her girlfriend's voice stopping her from even saying 'hello'. Without having to hear Catherine's words, Sara already knew what was going on, she wouldn't have called unless it was something serious. "Sara, you need to get back down here. She had a seizure, she's really going downhill...just...get back here as soon as you can, okay?"

Sara hung up the phone without a goodbye, pulling away from Lindsey as she tried to keep from completely losing her mind and turning into a sobbing puddle of mush on her own bedroom floor. She squeezed Lindsey's hand, "I've got to get back to the hospital."

"I want to come."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Sara said softly, "She doesn't look like our Sami. I don't think your mother would approve."

Lindsey crossed her arms, anger beginning to spark in her blue eyes, "She's my sister, okay? If she's going to die, I deserve to see her one last time. I don't care what my Mom thinks, I don't care what she looks like, I need to see her too. You and Mom aren't the only ones who love her, she's my baby sister." She began to sob, wrapping her arms around herself and sinking back onto the bed, "My baby sister."

Wrapping an arm around the hysterical blonde, Sara gave in and helped her to her feet, "Okay, you're right, I'm sorry. Let's go."

"I'll drive." Lily said from the doorway, "You are in no condition to drive anywhere, I'm surprised my daughter allowed you to drive yourself home."

Offering Lily a silent 'thanks', Sara and Lindsey silently made their way to the car, praying that Sami wasn't as bad off as she appeared, praying that they wouldn't arrive too late to say their goodbyes.

TBC


End file.
